It's Obvious To Us

Summer is the worst season.
People have fewer fingers on "The Simpsons".
Coffee tastes really, really, really good.
Multi-colored, large packs of Sharpies and other permanent markers are necessary.
Maggie is critical of Jamie's list making.
We deserve mail.
People who hula hoop with tractor tires deserve to look ridiculous.
Dill pickles taste better than sweet ones.
Gymnastics is the creepiest sport.
Clubbing is overrated.
McDonalds breakfast is the best breakfast.
TV is good.
We are profound.

couples we really truly can't stand

• ben affleck and jennifer garner
• nicole kidman and keith urban
  
• tom cruise and katie holmes
• kevin bacon and kyra sedgwick
• renee zellweger and racecar driver boyfriend
• george w. and laura bush
• ray and debra barone from 'everybody loves raymond'
• oprah and stedman
• dr. phil and his wife

-maggie

some tired thoughts from maggie

there are several reasons it's a miracle jamie and i are as close as we are. these are, at times, huge stumbling blocks in our friendship:

jamie likes:

• seafood
• the golden girls
• mushrooms
• the muppets (post 'muppet babies')
• oasis
• lost
• desperate housewives
• superman, and other superheroes
  
• buffy the vampire slayer

maggie likes:

• reality tv shows such as sytycd and american idol
• usher
• matthew mcconaughey
• all varieties of bell peppers and olives
  
• being crafty, and is good at it
• amaretto sours
• corn

-maggie

List Amendment

Earlier, Maggie and I posted a nicely sized list of things that everyone seems to love and we....just don't get it. One of the items on this list was the olympics...we still stand by this 100%. We just want to add the amendment that they become okay if Morgan Freeman is the voice of them.

That is all.

-jamie

quintessential jaggie mong

maggie (5:47:04 PM): one of the families on the feud is named "Schmedes"

jamie(5:48:03 PM): that isn't a real name

maggie (5:48:14 PM): i know.

maggie (5:48:37 PM): uh oh

maggie (5:48:41 PM): the schmedes' lost

jamie (5:48:52 PM): that's what they get for not having a real name

maggie (5:48:58 PM): and they're not white

jamie (5:49:16 PM): society's a bitch

maggie (5:49:23 PM): amen

...later that very same night...

maggie (11:26:52 PM): that show DOES need a baby

jamie (11:27:03 PM): jan...

maggie (11:27:08 PM): no i mean a good one

jamie (11:27:30 PM): so...that show does need a baby for jim and pam

maggie (11:27:43 PM): yes

jamie (11:27:53 PM): what a fucking cute kid

maggie (11:27:55 PM): i want free porn

maggie (11:28:02 PM): i mean... what a cute kid

-jamie

god bless america

on this, independence day, we decided a little celebration of the best of this fine country is in order:


-maggie

our favorite episodes of Friends

The process of coming up with our favorite episodes of Friends is pretty damn difficult. We disagree on many things. We have to argue our point quite a lot. Here's what we came up with for our joint list of favorite episodes:

At this point, I (Jamie) would like to issue a disclaimer. As many of you may have noticed, we have no episodes from season 1. This is not because we don't like season1; personally, it's one of my favorite seasons. The thing is, as the series progressed and character dynamics matured, so many episodes of hilarity ensued that season 1 was, unfortunately, not included in this list. For those of you unfamiliar with the series, not to discount the first season of Friends. There is such a comforting, relatable essence in these episodes. Before the story-lines got complicated, they were just six friends, hanging out, living their lives. Yes, this is my disclaimer or an ode to season 1.

• The One Where Mr. Heckles Dies
• The One With The Morning After
• The One With The Giant Poking Device
• The One With The Embryos
• The One With The Free Porn
• The One With All The Rugby
• The One Where Ross Moves In
• The One With Ross's Sandwich
• The One Where Everyone Finds Out
• The One Where Ross Got High
• The One With Unagi
• The One With All The Cheesecakes
• The One Where Rosita Dies
• The One Where Rachel Tells
• The One With The Rumor
• The One With The Memorial Service
• The One Where Ross Is Fine
• The One With Ross's Grant

Missy, we expect you to comment.

-maggie and jamie

famous and real and dead

jamie and i came up with a short list of some of our favorite people. famous and real and dead and everything in between. now for the first installment in the series, our very favorite person:

1) debbie. desperately and viciously full of pizazz, we love debbie. just her dance moves alone would do the trick... but no. it's more than that. debbie is bad.ass! she tought us what it means to be adventurous, and whenever we heard a kitten outside our doors, we knew it was our deb-o. we love her perfect ability to stalk, how completely hardcore she is, and her flawless logic. we will never find a better person to have around when watching a horror movie.


-maggie.

we want macbook pros

so, maggie and i want to own macbook pros. a lot. however, we do not have money. we have committed to own them by our second christmas together, at least. this is our plan. our plan which includes a money jar.

• Start jar with $20 a piece on move-in day
• Every time we have sex, we put $10.00 in the jar.
• Every time one of us is too lazy to do something, thereby forcing the other one to do it, the lazy person puts $1.00 in the jar.
• On every federally recognized holiday, we both put $1.00 in the jar.
• For our birthdays, instead of giving each other gifts, we put however much in the jar we would have spent on a gift.
  
• On Valentine's Day, instead of being sad and spending money on chocolate and ice cream (or whatever), we both put $10.00 in the jar. Unless we have sex on Valentine's Day, in which case the amount would of course double.
• Any money left in pants when put in the laundry will go into the jar.
  
• Whenever two different tv programs want to be watched at the same time, the person who gets to watch what they want puts $1.00 in the jar.
• Whenever the remote is lost the person who cannot find it will put $1.00 in the jar.
• Each paycheck, we put $10.00 into the jar.
• Every time one of us participates in one of the items on our list, that person puts $2.00 in the jar. Unless it's a really embarrassing one, in which case it's $50.00.
  

-jamie

target registry

if you are finding yourself bored out of your mind with lots of money to spend, wander on over to our target wedding registry. it doesn't matter that we're not getting married... we needed to register together for things we want. search with either of our names at target.

a desperate plea

there is but one thing that stands in the way of a jaggie mong reunion this summer. it's actually the same thing that stands in the way of jaggie mong getting their very own macbook pros. one of us is a volunteer and the other is unemployed with nothing but a liberal arts degree and a dream, so if any of our loyal readers feel like donating to a good cause...we would make a blog entry just for you!

-jamie

we found ourselves in exploding dog

loving you has always hurt.

also...
i make coffee.
250 miles far away.
empty inside.

-maggie

it's not our fault that our conversations are fun...

maggie: heeeey, i see you there...
jamie: are you hitting on yourself?
maggie: yessssssss

maggie: we had no prenup
jamie: that's because i thought you'd love me forever
maggie: yeah, well...

maggie: i mean i would prefer everything to be old and have a story, but if Pottery Barn has a sale, then woohoo!!!

maggie: was she hitting on you?
jamie: i don't think so.
maggie: can i?

jamie: sometimes the truth isn't sexy
maggie: the truth is never sexy

maggie: what are you wearing?
jamie: nothing.

jamie: i would like it better if there wasn't white all around it
maggie: racist
jamie: totally

maggie and i decided we are only as weird as those we surround ourselves with...so we blame all of you people

-jamie

us...

we were scared...

more conversational bits

jamie: we must make a pact to NEVER throw away each other's breakfast sandwiches
maggie: why would we?!
jamie: it happened on tv and i got scared

maggie: i really really really want to make another sexy scrabble game
jamie: that was so good
maggie: i'm looking at it now
maggie: let's try...
maggie: i mean... if you have other things to do today, that's fine
jamie: no i don't

maggie: i say points don't matter, just sex matters
maggie: like life
jamie: mmmhm

maggie: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT MAGGIE HAS TATTOOS AND YELLS AND IS HOT
jamie: i thought that would be a fun surprise
maggie: holyshit
maggie: and she works in a muffin factory
maggie: BAHAHAHA dyke
jamie: i believe it's called a bakery

maggie: is she really with peter sarsgaard?
jamie: they have a baby
maggie: SO HOT
maggie: SEND ME PICTURES
jamie: i don't have any...

jamie: since when is dead sexy?
maggie: it is to some people!

maggie: you just sent me the same link again
jamie: i did not
maggie: i clicked on it twice

jamie: imoo, hagi, and inot aren't words, apparently

maggie: i just yelled at the screen for 'jobly' not being a word
maggie: you're dressed nicely, walking out the door in the morning... you look rather jobly
jamie: if you told me i looked jobly, i would punch you

maggie: i fucking love cyndi lauper
jamie: i love her as much as i hate miley cyrus

maggie: jason bateman!!
jamie: JASON
maggie: god he's cute
jamie: i just gasped out loud

maggie: I JUST SAW USHER
jamie: was he dancing?
maggie: no
maggie: he shook hands with kanye
jamie: aw
maggie: yep

jamie: "i didn't major in math. i majored in miracles"
jamie: i really wish it was jon stewart that had said that
maggie: who did?
jamie: huckabee!

maggie: jamie not during idol

jamie: okay i think thriller is my theme for the day
maggie: i want a theme for the day!
maggie: i also want thriller

jamie: there are so many levels of weird there
maggie: i don't see them.

jamie: so what did you tell him?
maggie: WAIT FUCKER
jamie: okay shithead?

jamie: i wanted to make sure you were okay before i yelled at you
jamie: because what the hell?!

maggie: did i just have a stroke?
maggie: because this woman singing on idol... it makes me feel like i just had a stroke.
jamie: i hope not...
maggie: me too

jamie: do you want a funny or pretty postcard?
jamie: you can't expect me to make these decisions on my own, maggie

maggie: i just found a little piece of laffy taffy in my keyboard
jamie: are you going to eat it?
maggie: i already did
jamie: good

maggie: jamie, i would have sex with you in a second. and it's not because i'm slutty.

maggie: i think this guy is singing meatloaf
maggie: .........or toni braxton or something
maggie: ha... who sang that awful 'it's all coming back to me now' song?
jamie: celine dion

maggie: we should get a kitten and name it Ty Pennington
maggie: and then hate it forever

-maggie

maggie: every time you snap once, you get 12 slices!
jamie: of what?
maggie: anything! it's a tiny slicer dealie!
jamie: have you seen the spatulas that can resist heat and come in neon pink?!
maggie: yes!!
jamie: I WANT THAT
jamie: i feel that i could have many uses for such a utensil

maggie: OH MY GOD this thing is supposed to be 3 easy payments of $14.95 and they marked it down to ONE PAYMENT
jamie: WHOA
jamie: is it the slicer with the dial on the side and the top guard thing that you spear the veggies with to protect your hand???
maggie: it's a little hand-held thing...The Snap and Slice
jamie: YES
jamie: i saw that yesterday

maggie: jamie, i need you to promise you will still love me when i tell you what i am about to tell you
jamie: of course i promise
maggie: i think i might watch 'oprah's big give' tonight

jamie: that...and apu is having an affair and i think it's getting to me
maggie: aww, jamie
maggie: don't let apu get to you
jamie: 8 babies!

jamie: OH MY GOD
jamie: william h. macy
jamie: WILLIAM H. MACY
maggie: ???
jamie: he is guest starring on sports night
jamie: it's filliam h. muffman on one show!

jamie: you are giving lip to william h. macy
maggie: i would never!

maggie: you know what i mean
jamie: then i don't understand the question...

jamie: i can't handle all of this polarization, maggie
jamie: it's like everything is intense or nothing and people need to stop it!
maggie: no shit!
jamie: i'm really glad we're normal

maggie: aww we creepily winked at each other
jamie: mmmmhm
maggie: i feel like you and i should NEVER wink at each other
maggie: or anyone else, really

jamie: the office!
maggie: i know!
maggie: i am so scared that pam will want to leave jim because she thought he was going to propose and now he must not love her blah blah blah
jamie: I KNOW!
jamie: but i feel like nbc wouldn't do that to us, though
jamie: i LOVED ryan being arrested and jim watching it on youtube
maggie: new media!
jamie: hell yes!
maggie: you should tell marcia that i recognized that

maggie: how much of my savings should i spend on a computer?
jamie: i am the wrong person to ask that

jamie: in my head, this makes us more desirable
jamie: like i would find it sexy if a significant other and their roommate had a really fun blog
maggie: oh shit. now it has to be really fun?
maggie: i just think it would be fun because when we say funny things, instead of making them away messages, we can post them on our blog
jamie: well, i think we are really fun
maggie: i do too!

maggie: i REALLY want us to do a cooking video :)
maggie: like every week
jamie: are we going to be able to find enough foods that we both like?
maggie: well, i mean it might just be me filming you making food for yourself
maggie: and it would be like rachel ray :)

jamie: oh my GOD
jaime: fucking patrick dempsey does voice over work

maggie: i think i'm the best person ever at hitting on themselves

maggie: but you're forgetting that you're supposed to agree with me and only me
jamie: ...i think i missed the disagreement

maggie: i just hope we find some barista or friend somewhere who will come help for some wine or something
jamie: that sounds like the beginning of porn
maggie: hopefully
jamie: nice...



-jamie

conversational bits... holy long post, catwoman!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Attention, Jason Castro!

In order to provide a proper gift to my best friend, I need your help. I will pay for all necessary procedures, but we are just going to go ahead and make you a woman so the world makes a little more sense and to secure maggie's happiness. now, you are already stalking her, so I know you will be on board.

Thanks!

-jamie

until better

things we will always love... until something better comes along.

1. rosemary and olive oil triscuits
2. men with stunning eyes
3. feisty women
4. bright colors, pink excluded
5. sharpies
6. falling backwards into a pile of leaves
7. the chandler/joey relationship
8. the j.d./turk relationship
9. picnics
10. the sending and receiving of mail
11. red wine
12. good strong coffee
13. the multiple tellings of truths
14. target
15. cheesecake
    
16. cheese
17. our christmas tree
18. disposable dishes
19. martin and niles crane
20. tiramisu
21. when harry met sally / sleepless in seattle
22. zach blatz
    
23. chocolate covered espresso beans
24. kittens
25. good strong sex
26. compressed air
27. violent uno
28. sweet text messages
29. scrabble
30. the office
31. making lists
32. small electronics
33. television
34. apples to apples
35. clove cigarettes
36. pornography
37. being gangsta
38. arrested development
39. brightly colored shoes
40. lindor truffles

yeah....

-maggie

those reading may not realize just how close to reality this webcomic is. that's right, you are blessed to have access to our lives.
-jamie

it's us....

-maggie

jamie's perfect woman...

Jamie's perfect woman must be strong both physically and in spirit. Brunette is preferred, although some exceptions may be made. She must have long wavy hair, and stunning eyes. The word feisty would describe her, and her quick wit must be able to think through pop culture references and make fun of people from far away. She holds her own in a conversation, and usually wears sneakers. Some examples are shown above.

-maggie

edit from jamie:
she must be able to entertain and make me laugh
in addition to being stunning the eyes have to make me melt with one look
the sneakers need to be in fun colors
excellent job with the description, mags...especially the feisty part.

maggie's kind of man...

he must be clean shaven with a bright, warm smile. also important, is his hair; it needs to be in dreads or very curly. a fun, quick personality who is not afraid to point out the flaws in others (but never maggie or myself, since we are perfect). Must be aware of all pop culture references being made and able to make her laugh. Tests of these qualities will be performances in various board games (apples to apples) and watching television shows. If he can sing and has clove cigarettes...all the better.

for reference points, see above.

-jamie

edit from maggie:
hair: it needs to be in dreads or long and wavy
clean shaven a plus... adds to the femininity
talented in music is a must... singing, guitar...
the gentle spirit which comes from years of marijuana is always nice
feminist = necessary.

truth.

jamie has parasitic limbs.

-maggie

the best list ever

102 things other people seem to enjoy, and we just don't fuckin understand...

1. Golf
2. Cycling
3. Dancing
4. Emo Concerts
5. Rubber Bracelets
6. Car Magnets
7. Football Games
8. Scrapbooking
9. Caviar
10. Hookah Bars

(We both really like hookah but don’t understand paying money to go do it.)

"I would just assume smoke pot"

11. Crocs
12. Beanie Babies
13. Precious Moments
14. White Chocolate
15. NASCAR
16. The Olympics

“They’re just showing off to all the fatties”

17. Ray Ramano
18. Tom Cruise
19. Kevin Bacon

(Unless he’s guest starring on Will and Grace)

20. Jay Leno
21. Ugly guy/Pretty girl sitcoms
22. Name Brand Tampons
23. Ryan’s
(or any other steakhouse)
24. Shopping Malls
25. Diet Fads
26. Popular Christian Fads

(Coffee Houses, Music, Left Behind Books)

27. Grease Movies
28. John Travolta
29. Reality Find a Mate Shows
30. Lawn Ornaments
31. Parties where you have to buy shit

(tupperware, baskets, avon)

32. Waterparks
33. Superbowl, March Madness
34. Key Chains
35. Rubick’s Cubes
36. Dressing twins in matching clothes
37. Clean versions of cuss words
38. OPRAH
39. Horses
40. Post 9/11 Patriotism
41. Tattoos out of Books
42. Butterfly People
43. DARE
44. Abstinence Only Programs
45. KKK
46. Ugly People
47. Anti Tobacco Ads

(we get the point, but come on)

48. The Hallmark Channel
49. Hallmark minus Fresh Ink cards
50. Exercise Equipment
51. Fake Nails/Getting Nails Done
52. Bows on babies' heads
53. Ear Pieces for Cell Phones
54. Louie Vuitton Bags
55. Vera Bradley Bags
56. Longaberger Baskets

…especially as purses

57. Pre-made Picnic Baskets
58. Clapping
59. Anything on ice…shows
60. Bratz Dolls
61. Small Dogs
62. Dressing Pets
63. Children on leashes
64. The death penalty
65. Creatures of the sea
66. Mormons
67. Creepy celebrity families
68. I hate Paul Newman now because he didn’t e-mail me back about my salad dressing

... this may be a personal grudge Maggie chooses to hold onto

69. Cowboy hats
70. Jell-o Molds
71. The Beach
72. Public pools
73. Winter Sports

(except for watching hockey)

74. Patrick Dempsey
75. Michael Rapaport
76. Any Regis show
77. MTV
78. Belly Button Rings
79. Non Prescription Glasses
80. Twitter
81. American Pie movies
82. Larry the Cable Guy
83. Jeff Foxworthy
84. The Scary Movies
85. Hugh Hefner/The Girls Nextdoor
86. Playboy

(we are not opposed to porn…but these are just trashy people)

87. Playgirl
88. Hooters
89. Grey’s Anatomy
90. Desperate Housewives
91. Danielle Steele
92. Wine Coolers
93. Anime
94. Trekkies
95. Nautica decorating theme
96. Fancy Sitting rooms
97. Scientology
98. Food sex play
99. U.S. Healthcare
100. Abercrombie, American Eagle, Hollister Clothes
101. Mini Series

“you make it a tv show or you make it a movie!”

102. The idea of sin

-maggie

celebrity pairs we want to break up

• Lauren Graham / Matthew Perry
• Jane Kaczmarek / Bradley Whitford
• Pam / Jim
• Darlene / David
• Justine Bateman / Jason Bateman
• Kate Winslet / Jack Black - The Holiday
• Meg White / Jack White
• Eddie Vedder / Eddie Vedder
• Angelina Jolie / Brad Pitt
• Johnny Depp / Johnny Depp
• Maura Tierney / Hot Foreign Doctor
• Ellen Page / Ellen Page
• Short blonde-haired Sherilyn Fenn / Brunette Sherilyn Fenn
  

-maggie

Our book

How to Deal with Someone
...It's not like they have a group for people like us.

Now that you have had a glimpse into the delicious treat that is the Maggie and Jamie Relationship, we need to examine it on a deeper level. This level, of course, is television. More specifically, the televised cultural phenomenon common people refer to as Friends. In order to explain the deep impact of this show in our lives, we will first detail the aspects of each cast member found in our own personalities.

Phoebe Buffay

In the same way Phoebe wears dangly kaleidoscope earrings and fluffy orange winter coats, Maggie is known for her vibrant choices in clothing and hair color. They both also share a tragically optimistic outlook on life. And, if a miracle strikes the earth and Maggie starts to run, she will run exactly like Phoebe with arms flailing about; as if running away from Satan.

Example: “Guys I’m playing all new material tonight. I have twelve songs about my mother’s suicide and one about a snowman!"

Monica Gellar

Just as Monica’s obsessive neuroses can lead to sabotaging her love life, Jamie’s mind has from time to time forced her into unhealthy situations. Although both Monica and Jamie show some signs of improvement where relationships are concerned, the pure joy of forming the relationship itself often proves to hold the most excitement.

Example: “Pete and I watched a movie… that we made earlier. I can’t help it – I have a boyfriend now!”

Joey Tribbiani

Although Joey and Maggie differ in many ways, they share several distinct similarities; including an intense love of women and food. Joey’s innocent sweetness is mirrored in Maggie’s love for her friends and acts of generosity for them. They also share a love of baby animals, and are both actively searching for their identical hand twin.

Example: “That’s right… I stepped up! And if I had to, I’d pee on any one of you!”

Chandler Bing

A history of sad relationships and being the brunt of many jokes brings out the sarcastic wit of Chandler and Jamie. A wide use of pop culture and awkward social skills make each of them really fun to have around.

Example: “I’m not so good at the advice… can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

Ross Gellar and Rachel Green

Well… there’s a storyline which drew on forever and took up too much time from characters with actual humor and substance!

-maggie

jaggie mong

our story is beautiful. it makes so little sense that it's logical. we are also perfect. there are many things we do not understand about the world, but television is not one of them.

-jamie

and so it begins...

it's going to be glorious.

-maggie