Attention, Jason Castro!

In order to provide a proper gift to my best friend, I need your help. I will pay for all necessary procedures, but we are just going to go ahead and make you a woman so the world makes a little more sense and to secure maggie's happiness. now, you are already stalking her, so I know you will be on board.

Thanks!

-jamie

until better

things we will always love... until something better comes along.

1. rosemary and olive oil triscuits
2. men with stunning eyes
3. feisty women
4. bright colors, pink excluded
5. sharpies
6. falling backwards into a pile of leaves
7. the chandler/joey relationship
8. the j.d./turk relationship
9. picnics
10. the sending and receiving of mail
11. red wine
12. good strong coffee
13. the multiple tellings of truths
14. target
15. cheesecake
    
16. cheese
17. our christmas tree
18. disposable dishes
19. martin and niles crane
20. tiramisu
21. when harry met sally / sleepless in seattle
22. zach blatz
    
23. chocolate covered espresso beans
24. kittens
25. good strong sex
26. compressed air
27. violent uno
28. sweet text messages
29. scrabble
30. the office
31. making lists
32. small electronics
33. television
34. apples to apples
35. clove cigarettes
36. pornography
37. being gangsta
38. arrested development
39. brightly colored shoes
40. lindor truffles

yeah....

-maggie

those reading may not realize just how close to reality this webcomic is. that's right, you are blessed to have access to our lives.
-jamie

it's us....

-maggie

jamie's perfect woman...

Jamie's perfect woman must be strong both physically and in spirit. Brunette is preferred, although some exceptions may be made. She must have long wavy hair, and stunning eyes. The word feisty would describe her, and her quick wit must be able to think through pop culture references and make fun of people from far away. She holds her own in a conversation, and usually wears sneakers. Some examples are shown above.

-maggie

edit from jamie:
she must be able to entertain and make me laugh
in addition to being stunning the eyes have to make me melt with one look
the sneakers need to be in fun colors
excellent job with the description, mags...especially the feisty part.

maggie's kind of man...

he must be clean shaven with a bright, warm smile. also important, is his hair; it needs to be in dreads or very curly. a fun, quick personality who is not afraid to point out the flaws in others (but never maggie or myself, since we are perfect). Must be aware of all pop culture references being made and able to make her laugh. Tests of these qualities will be performances in various board games (apples to apples) and watching television shows. If he can sing and has clove cigarettes...all the better.

for reference points, see above.

-jamie

edit from maggie:
hair: it needs to be in dreads or long and wavy
clean shaven a plus... adds to the femininity
talented in music is a must... singing, guitar...
the gentle spirit which comes from years of marijuana is always nice
feminist = necessary.

truth.

jamie has parasitic limbs.

-maggie

the best list ever

102 things other people seem to enjoy, and we just don't fuckin understand...

1. Golf
2. Cycling
3. Dancing
4. Emo Concerts
5. Rubber Bracelets
6. Car Magnets
7. Football Games
8. Scrapbooking
9. Caviar
10. Hookah Bars

(We both really like hookah but don’t understand paying money to go do it.)

"I would just assume smoke pot"

11. Crocs
12. Beanie Babies
13. Precious Moments
14. White Chocolate
15. NASCAR
16. The Olympics

“They’re just showing off to all the fatties”

17. Ray Ramano
18. Tom Cruise
19. Kevin Bacon

(Unless he’s guest starring on Will and Grace)

20. Jay Leno
21. Ugly guy/Pretty girl sitcoms
22. Name Brand Tampons
23. Ryan’s
(or any other steakhouse)
24. Shopping Malls
25. Diet Fads
26. Popular Christian Fads

(Coffee Houses, Music, Left Behind Books)

27. Grease Movies
28. John Travolta
29. Reality Find a Mate Shows
30. Lawn Ornaments
31. Parties where you have to buy shit

(tupperware, baskets, avon)

32. Waterparks
33. Superbowl, March Madness
34. Key Chains
35. Rubick’s Cubes
36. Dressing twins in matching clothes
37. Clean versions of cuss words
38. OPRAH
39. Horses
40. Post 9/11 Patriotism
41. Tattoos out of Books
42. Butterfly People
43. DARE
44. Abstinence Only Programs
45. KKK
46. Ugly People
47. Anti Tobacco Ads

(we get the point, but come on)

48. The Hallmark Channel
49. Hallmark minus Fresh Ink cards
50. Exercise Equipment
51. Fake Nails/Getting Nails Done
52. Bows on babies' heads
53. Ear Pieces for Cell Phones
54. Louie Vuitton Bags
55. Vera Bradley Bags
56. Longaberger Baskets

…especially as purses

57. Pre-made Picnic Baskets
58. Clapping
59. Anything on ice…shows
60. Bratz Dolls
61. Small Dogs
62. Dressing Pets
63. Children on leashes
64. The death penalty
65. Creatures of the sea
66. Mormons
67. Creepy celebrity families
68. I hate Paul Newman now because he didn’t e-mail me back about my salad dressing

... this may be a personal grudge Maggie chooses to hold onto

69. Cowboy hats
70. Jell-o Molds
71. The Beach
72. Public pools
73. Winter Sports

(except for watching hockey)

74. Patrick Dempsey
75. Michael Rapaport
76. Any Regis show
77. MTV
78. Belly Button Rings
79. Non Prescription Glasses
80. Twitter
81. American Pie movies
82. Larry the Cable Guy
83. Jeff Foxworthy
84. The Scary Movies
85. Hugh Hefner/The Girls Nextdoor
86. Playboy

(we are not opposed to porn…but these are just trashy people)

87. Playgirl
88. Hooters
89. Grey’s Anatomy
90. Desperate Housewives
91. Danielle Steele
92. Wine Coolers
93. Anime
94. Trekkies
95. Nautica decorating theme
96. Fancy Sitting rooms
97. Scientology
98. Food sex play
99. U.S. Healthcare
100. Abercrombie, American Eagle, Hollister Clothes
101. Mini Series

“you make it a tv show or you make it a movie!”

102. The idea of sin

-maggie

celebrity pairs we want to break up

• Lauren Graham / Matthew Perry
• Jane Kaczmarek / Bradley Whitford
• Pam / Jim
• Darlene / David
• Justine Bateman / Jason Bateman
• Kate Winslet / Jack Black - The Holiday
• Meg White / Jack White
• Eddie Vedder / Eddie Vedder
• Angelina Jolie / Brad Pitt
• Johnny Depp / Johnny Depp
• Maura Tierney / Hot Foreign Doctor
• Ellen Page / Ellen Page
• Short blonde-haired Sherilyn Fenn / Brunette Sherilyn Fenn
  

-maggie

Our book

How to Deal with Someone
...It's not like they have a group for people like us.

Now that you have had a glimpse into the delicious treat that is the Maggie and Jamie Relationship, we need to examine it on a deeper level. This level, of course, is television. More specifically, the televised cultural phenomenon common people refer to as Friends. In order to explain the deep impact of this show in our lives, we will first detail the aspects of each cast member found in our own personalities.

Phoebe Buffay

In the same way Phoebe wears dangly kaleidoscope earrings and fluffy orange winter coats, Maggie is known for her vibrant choices in clothing and hair color. They both also share a tragically optimistic outlook on life. And, if a miracle strikes the earth and Maggie starts to run, she will run exactly like Phoebe with arms flailing about; as if running away from Satan.

Example: “Guys I’m playing all new material tonight. I have twelve songs about my mother’s suicide and one about a snowman!"

Monica Gellar

Just as Monica’s obsessive neuroses can lead to sabotaging her love life, Jamie’s mind has from time to time forced her into unhealthy situations. Although both Monica and Jamie show some signs of improvement where relationships are concerned, the pure joy of forming the relationship itself often proves to hold the most excitement.

Example: “Pete and I watched a movie… that we made earlier. I can’t help it – I have a boyfriend now!”

Joey Tribbiani

Although Joey and Maggie differ in many ways, they share several distinct similarities; including an intense love of women and food. Joey’s innocent sweetness is mirrored in Maggie’s love for her friends and acts of generosity for them. They also share a love of baby animals, and are both actively searching for their identical hand twin.

Example: “That’s right… I stepped up! And if I had to, I’d pee on any one of you!”

Chandler Bing

A history of sad relationships and being the brunt of many jokes brings out the sarcastic wit of Chandler and Jamie. A wide use of pop culture and awkward social skills make each of them really fun to have around.

Example: “I’m not so good at the advice… can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

Ross Gellar and Rachel Green

Well… there’s a storyline which drew on forever and took up too much time from characters with actual humor and substance!

-maggie

jaggie mong

our story is beautiful. it makes so little sense that it's logical. we are also perfect. there are many things we do not understand about the world, but television is not one of them.

-jamie

and so it begins...

it's going to be glorious.

-maggie